We live in a world with two extreme and unhealthy views of sex. On one end, some believe in free sex, thinking it should be enjoyed openly with anyone, or any number of people, regardless of marital status or gender. This perspective has fueled the production of sexually explicit movies, songs, TV ads, and billboards, reflecting the common saying that “sex sells.” While this view considers sex as positive, it does so for reasons different from the biblical perspective. On the other end, some see sex as shameful, immoral, or taboo. Referencing this view, author Sheila Gregoire notes: “If only all bad girl messages were consistent, we’d have an easier time demolishing them. But while one bad girl message says we should glorify our bodies, the other says we should feel embarrassed by them, as if sex is somehow shameful. Many Good Girls begin marriage with this feeling. Either it’s because they’ve already shared their bodies with others or because sex really wasn’t talked about at home except to say, ‘Don’t do it!’ They don’t have information. It’s been treated like a secret, as if it’s not a legitimate subject for discussion, because no good person would raise it.”[1]
As Christians, we need to ask ourselves: What does the Bible teach about sex? Is it inherently good because that is what God intended, or is it good because it can be pursued freely with anyone and any number of consenting partners? Alternatively, should we view sex as taboo, a dirty subject to be avoided, linked to loose morals? While we all have different opinions, it is important to seek a biblical understanding of whether sex is truly good, because God’s perspective is best for our well-being.
Does the Bible Teach That Sex Is Good?
“Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good” (Gen. 1:31).
The Bible tells us that God created the heavens and the earth in the beginning (verse 1). On the sixth day God created humanity in His own image. “Male and female He created them” (verse 27). God created both men and women in His own image. Every part of our bodies was designed by God, and every faculty capable of experiencing pleasure was deliberate (see Gen. 2:7). The ability of the eye to see and appreciate beauty, the ability of the ear to hear a sweet voice or melodious music, the ability of the nose to smell a pleasing aroma, the taste buds to enjoy delicious food, and various parts of the body to experience exhilarating touch were all created by God for our pleasure, happiness, and joy. It is interesting that the act that makes men and women physically one in marriage is one of the most pleasurable things God created for us (Gen. 2:24).
One of the first blessings God gave humanity was the ability to procreate. The Bible says, “Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it’ ” (Gen. 1:28). God chose to connect this blessing to the physical union of Adam and Eve; without sexual intercourse, the blessing could not be realized. It is also crucial to note that the blessing is presented as a command; the verbs “be fruitful and multiply” are an imperative. God did not just bless humans by giving Adam and Eve the ability to have sex and procreate. He blessed them with a command to do it—and to encourage them to do it more than once, He made it one of the most pleasurable things they could experience. We should not fail to note that the only way for a man and woman to become one physically (Gen. 2:24) is tied directly to the blessing of procreation (Gen. 1:28).
The Bible also teaches that sex is more than a physical act; it is a deeply intimate experience that couples should share in a relationship of mutual love and respect.
After each day of creation God saw that what He had created was good (verses 4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25). Yet after God created humans and blessed them by commanding them to procreate through sex, which is enjoyable, the Bible says, “Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good” (verse 31). It is doubtful whether anyone, after a beautiful night with their spouse, could ever argue against that idea. The Hebrew word for good, tov, has a broad and exclusively positive semantic range. The word can mean pleasant, desirable, qualitatively good, pleasing, beautiful, and morally good, among other definitions.[2] Christians should not be ashamed of sex, because it was created by God, in a perfect world, to be desired and enjoyed.
“Now Adam knew Eve his wife . . .”
In the Bible sex is not only physical but involves the entire person in an intimate experience. The word frequently used in the Old Testament for sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is the verb yāda, which means “to know” (see, for example, Gen. 4:1, 7, 25). This suggests that biblically, sex is more than physical; it intensifies the bond that God has created to exist between husbands and wives (Gen. 2:24). Gary and Barbara Rosberg opine, “Deeply satisfying sex occurs when husbands and wives connect the physical with the spiritual, emotional, relational, and psychological sides of sex. When all these facets work together, couples enter the mystery of the oneness God intended.”[3] From this perspective, lifelong commitment and exclusivity in marriage become crucial.
A key part of marital intimacy is mutual love and respect between husband and wife (see Eph. 5:1, 21, 22-33; Titus 2:4; 1 Peter 3:7). Without mutual love and respect, even marital love can become selfish, self-centered, manipulative, or even abusive. In contrast, biblical love is kind and does not act selfishly (1 Cor. 13:4, 5). Gary and Barbara Rosberg are correct when they say, “Good sex is other-centered; it allows you to focus solely on your spouse. God’s design is that when you focus on your spouse’s needs and he or she focuses on yours, your sexual and relational pleasure will be so deep that you won’t want to do anything to diminish it.”[4] Love and respect, therefore, necessitate that husbands and wives know each other deeply, care for one another, and always seek to be not just sexual partners but life partners.
Unashamed of Its Goodness
The Bible celebrates sexual love between husbands and wives. The Psalms, Proverbs, and Song of Solomon contain much material that openly celebrates the goodness and pleasure of marital intimacy. Psalm 45:10-17 celebrates the beauty of marriage. Proverbs 5:15-19 explicitly commands a young man to find pleasure exclusively from his wife.
Some conscientious Christians, however, may feel guilty when they experience pleasure during sex with their spouses. Because they have been taught to believe that God disapproves of enjoying such ecstasy—even though it was His idea in the first place—the pleasure can be so intense that they think it’s wrong. Solomon is quite explicit, though, when he says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love” (verses 18, 19). The ESV translates the Hebrew word for “enraptured,” šag̱āh, as “intoxicated,” which aligns with one of the word’s literal meanings: to stagger.[5] This points to the intensity of the intimacy between man and wife.
There are those Christians who try to avoid the Song of Solomon because of its romantic and sexual descriptions. Leland Ryken suggests that the reason many people feel uneasy reading this book is that they do not read enough love poetry.[6] The Song of Solomon is as inspired as any other part of the Bible (2 Tim. 3:16). As Edward Curtis notes: “Most today also reject the premise that human love is an unworthy topic for inclusion in inspired Scripture.”[7]
The Holy Spirit inspired Solomon to write love poetry celebrating the romantic love between husband and wife. The poetry contains descriptive metaphors that emphasize physical features (7:1-9) and extended metaphors with sexual connotations, such as the bride’s virginity and purity described as a “sealed fountain” and a “locked garden” in the “garden” metaphor found in chapters 4 and 5. The poem depicts the bride inviting her lover to “come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits” (4:16). The Song of Solomon teaches us that healthy marital intimacy should be mutually desired, exclusive (2:16; 6:3), and that it is holy and proper because God designed it to be beautiful, enjoyable, and meant to be cherished by His children.
Conclusion
Although Christians should avoid the oversexualization of society and the cheapening of sex as a commodity to be exploited, we should also reject the demonization of sex. From creation we learn that God designed sex for His children to enjoy, and it was part of what He declared very good. The Bible also teaches that sex is more than a physical act; it is a deeply intimate experience that couples should share in a relationship of mutual love and respect. Biblical poetry and wisdom literature openly celebrate exclusive sexual intimacy between husbands and wives, showing that Christians should see marital sex as something to be honored and enjoyed rather than shamed or demonized. We can fully agree with Paul that marriage and the undefiled bed are honorable (Heb. 13:4), and that sex within marriage is not only good but tov meod (very good).
[1] Sheila Wray Gregoire, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: And You Thought That Bad Girls Have All the Fun (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2012), p. 27.
[2] Ludwig Koehler, Walter Baumgartner, et al., The Hebrew and Aramaic Lexicon of the Old Testament (HALOT) (Leiden, Holland: E. J. Brill, 1994-2000), s.v. “tov.”
[3] Gary Rosberg, Barbara Rosberg, and Ginger Kolbaba, The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women: Discover the Secret to Great Sex in a Godly Marriage (Carol Stream, Ill.: Tyndale, 2006), p. 12.
[4] Ibid., p. 21.
[5] Koehler et al., ed, The Hebrew and Aramaic Lexicon of the Old Testament (Leiden: Brill, 2000), s.v. “šag̱āh.”
[6] Leland Ryken, Literary Introductions to the Books of the Bible (Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway, 2015), p. 221.
[7] Edward M. Curtis, Interpreting Wisdom Books: An Exegetical Handbook (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Kregel, 2017), p. 78.
