I have never cried so much in my life. I was a junior in college, and I was eating breakfast before heading out the door to class. That’s when my mom called. Right away I felt a sense of dread; lately she seemed to call only with bad news. She told me that the night before, my 17-year-old stepbrother John1 had waited until his coworkers were gone from the restaurant, then stabbed his boss to death. He was being held in the county jail on capital murder charges.
I didn’t cry right then. I was in shock and still had a test to take. But later that day after the busyness was over, and I was sitting on the couch in my apartment, my emotions caught up with me. That’s when I sobbed. First, I cried for John and for his boss’s family, then for my family, and then for me. And for the first time in my life I found myself asking the question Why me? I looked back on my life—on a string of problems—and my self-pity told me it wasn’t fair. I didn’t deserve this. I thought of my roommate: Why did he have it so good? Why me?
Why Jesus?
I now realize that I was asking the wrong question.
Many times in our lives when we face suffering, we are tempted to ask the question Why me? But I don’t think that’s the right question. It is a question filled with doubt and self-pity.
I want to challenge us to ask a better question—a question that should change the way we think about suffering. Why Jesus? Why did Jesus have to suffer? Now, I am not asking, “Why did Jesus have to die?” That’s a different sort of question. I know that Jesus had to die to pay the penalty for my sins. But why did He have to suffer? Why couldn’t He have lived a comfortable life, then died peacefully in His sleep at the end?
Poor and Homeless
Why was Jesus a poor man? Why did the One who dwelt in the courts of heaven have to be homeless? Why wasn’t He given the privilege that even foxes and birds have? Why did He have to be dependent upon the charity of others simply so He could eat?
Was it for the 700 million people who live in extreme poverty, earning less than $2.15 a day?2 Was it for the 108 million people (including approximately 43 million children) who have been forcibly displaced from their homes and are living as refugees?3
In that cup that made Christ tremble, not a single ingredient that has ever made humanity’s cup bitter was left out.
Heartbroken and Alone
Why was Jesus left alone? When His heart was breaking, when He longed for sympathy from His friends, why was He left alone in the garden? Why after pleading with them three times did they still not understand His sorrow?
Was it for the sake of those who endure dark loneliness? Was it for those who long for a friend to understand their pain? Was it for the sake of those lives that are filled with unnoticed tears?
Betrayed
Why was Jesus handed over by someone so close? Why was He sold for 30 pieces of silver? Weren’t His years of friendship worth so much more than that? Why did Judas have to use a kiss to announce his betrayal? Why did they run? Why was Jesus left by Himself to face the hatred and cruelty?
Was it for the sake of those who know the stinging truth that the closer someone is, the more they have the ability to hurt you? Was it for those hearts that have been broken, who can no longer trust? Was He betrayed for the sake of those who can no longer let someone close, because they are certain they will be hurt again?
Abused
Why did He suffer abuse by religious leaders? Was it for the tens of thousands who have been violated by a priest, pastor, elder, or deacon? Why did they hurl their words at Him like weapons? Why was the One whose name causes angels to bow in awesome reverence called a demon and a liar? Why was His face spit upon with laughter? Why was He blindfolded and slapped, robed and crowned? Why did they have to bow down with such cruelty? Why did they yell for Him to come down from the cross? Why was the thief so vulgar?
Did He do it for the outcasts? Was it for the ones whose names are used as punch lines? Was it for the nearly half of all women and men who have experienced psychological aggression from an intimate partner?4 Did He endure their cruelty for the sake of those who are daily made to feel worthless? Did He suffer for those who must walk on eggshells so that they won’t be belittled, degraded, rejected, isolated, or exploited? Was it for those who bear the heartache of living with someone who makes no attempt to understand them and refuses to take responsibility for how they hurt others? Was it for these that Jesus faced the abuse?
Tortured
Why was Jesus tortured? Why was He deprived of food, water, and sleep in His most trying hour? Why was His face unrecognizable after so many fists? Why were the thorns pushed down so hard? Why did the metal teeth of the flagrum have to dig so deep into His flesh only to be ripped out so violently? Why couldn’t the callous Roman stop after His back was already shredded? Why did it have to be crucifixion? Why did the nails have to smash through the nerves in His wrists? Why did every agony-filled breath have to tear His wrists and feet even more?
Was His body wracked with pain for the sake of those who are afflicted with arthritis or bone cancer? Was it for the ones whose pain is a daily reminder of accident or sickness? Was it for the ones who can’t even escape their chronic pain through sleep? for those who are kept awake at night by each wincing throb? Was it for these that Jesus felt the nails?
Tempted
Why was Jesus, at the height of His agony, tempted to numb His pain with an intoxicating drink?
Was it for those who just can’t handle reality any longer, who are desperate to find even temporary relief from the pain of this world? Was it for the sake of every alcoholic, every meth and opioid addict, sex addict, food addict, or every workaholic? Was He tempted for the sake of those who, though seeking refuge from the world, are enslaved by it?
Humiliated
Why was the incarnate God humiliated? Why was He stripped naked in public, exposed and vulnerable in front of those cold, laughing eyes?
Was it for the one in three women5 and one in six men6 who have felt the confusing betrayal and guilt of sexual abuse? Was it for the more than 1 billion survivors of sexual abuse who feel trapped in a world of helpless shame and vulnerability? Was it for these that He hung naked?
Cut Off
“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matt. 27:46). Why? Why was heaven silent? Why was He, at the time of His greatest need, cut off by the One He loved the most?
Was it for those who cry out with prayers and are answered in silence? Was it for the guilty sinner who feels that they have gone too far? Was it for the sinner who feels God is cold and distant but longs for reconciliation?
Grieved
Why did God have to feel the aching separation that death brings?
Was it for those who have lost someone to cancer? Was it for the ones who watched helplessly as the last ounce of strength and life slowly drained out of their beloved? Was it for them that God felt the separation? Was it for the families of the ones who never made it to the hospital or for parents who outlive their children? Was it for them?
Was it for those who are facing death, afraid to let go, as their life is slipping out of their fingers?
Why Did Jesus Suffer So?
“Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren” (Heb. 2:17).
“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are” (Heb. 4:15).
In all things made like His brethren.
In all points tempted.
In that cup that made Christ tremble, not a single ingredient that has ever made humanity’s cup bitter was left out. Not one kind of misery or distress, not one kind of burden, no amount of anguish that can weigh down and wear out a human heart, was missing. He tasted it all.
Whether quiet tears or screaming agony, He drank it all. You and I have to taste only our own suffering, our nerves feel only our own pain. We have only a single drop given to us, but Christ drank the whole cup of human suffering.
“Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people” (Heb. 2:17).
He had to be made like His brethren.
Jesus Chose to Suffer With and for Us
Jesus was made to suffer in a very different sense from how we are made to suffer. We are made to suffer because we don’t have any choice in the matter. But when Jesus was made to suffer, He was not compelled by force or circumstance, but was compelled by love. It was a necessity of mercy.
Christ suffered willingly. He was innocent. He did not deserve suffering, but as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth.
Yet we, guilty sinners, cry out, “Why me?”
Unlike us, Christ’s temptation was voluntary. Unlike us, Christ was continually tempted to abandon His suffering. Each and every time He suffered, it was an act of His free will. He could have turned the stones into bread, but He chose hunger. He could have called 10,000 angels in the garden, but He chose to be handed over to the mob. He could have come down off the cross, but He chose the agony.
Why Did He Subject Himself to Suffering?
Why? Why did He do it?
“For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted” (Heb. 2:18).
“Forwe do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.” (Heb. 4:15).
A literal translation of sympathize would be “suffer together with.”
God has suffered together with us. He has chosen to step into our pain. Because of this, we can find mercy, healing, strength to fight temptation, and much more.
In Hebrews the ideas of suffering and temptation are closely connected. Often when our suffering is the greatest, our temptation is as well. Consider Job. Consider Jesus on the cross. But when we are in the midst of suffering, what is it that we are tempted to?
We are tempted to self-pity.
We are tempted to bitterness.
And we are tempted to distrust God.
Because of Him
Because God has suffered together with us, we can be freed from self-pity, which asks, “Why me?” We can understand that the better question is: Why Jesus?
Because God has suffered together with us, we can be freed from the silent bitterness that eats away at our hearts. We can let go of the need to blame others, recognizing that it is actually God who has been the most unfairly treated.
Because God has suffered together with us, we can learn to trust Him. No longer do we blame or question God for hurting us, but now we praise God for hurting with us.
Because God has suffered together with us, we can trust Him to give us mercy and healing. We can trust that because He knows our pain, He will not turn us away. We can trust that we will find in Him one who truly understands. In His stripes we can find healing.
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb. 4:16).
When we hurt, when our hearts are in anguish and our bodies are broken, we long to be comforted by those who understand, by those who have felt their own pain and can sympathize with ours. In fact, we are often reluctant to talk to someone whose life has been sheltered and protected from the storms we face.
But Jesus has felt not only pain, He has felt our pain. So the Scripture tells us to come boldly to the throne of grace in our time of need, and there we will find mercy from a God who is not only all-loving but also all-feeling.
So the next time you are lied to or laughed at, the next time the pain seems unbearable or your heart is weighed down, go to the throne of grace. Tell God how you feel and ask Him if He has ever felt that way. Then listen, and find grace to help in your time of need.
1 Not his real name.
2 World Bank, “Poverty Overview,” last modified Oct.15, 2024, https://www.worldbank.org/en/topic/poverty/overview.
3 United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), Global Trends Report 2022, https://www.unhcr.org/global-trends-report-2022.
4 Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, https://www.cdc.gov/nisvs/ documentation/NISVSReportonIPV_2022.pdf.
5 World Health Organization (WHO), “Child Maltreatment,” https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/child-maltreatment.
6 “The 1 in 6 Statistic,” https://1in6.org/statistic/.