Have you had a sandwich lately? This culinary staple generally consists of two slices of bread that are held together by some sort of spread. In other words, the spread finds itself in the middle—somehow very involved with both slices of bread while holding everything together.
In life the transition from bread to spread seems to happen gradually. After all, transitions are a normal part of our lives. Babies become toddlers; toddlers become preschoolers; preschoolers become school-aged energy bundles. Most of us remember some emotional turbulences in our teenage years as we anxiously waited to become adults.
It can be overwhelming
Transitions don’t end in adulthood. We finish high school. We get a job or graduate from university. We fall in love and get married. Our first child arrives. Transitions are a normal part of our lives—and yet, they can be difficult and challenging and exhilarating all at the same time.
Like many parents before us, we currently are part of the sandwich generation—middle-aged parents who find themselves in the middle of caring for aging parents while still engaged with their young adult children. We are grateful to be able to be closer to Gerald’s mother in Germany and help shoulder some of her challenges—after more than 35 years of living far away from her on different continents. At the same time, we are now a continent away from Chantal’s parents living in California and fighting their own health battles. Our three daughters decided to make the move to Europe with us and are in their own transition moments of adapting to a new culture, a new (albeit familiar) language, and many new realities that distinguish Europe from the United States.
Like many before us, we realize that this sandwich reality can be tiring and sometimes overwhelming—but it’s also a wonderful way to link three distinct generations. We really are the tie connecting our children’s generation to their grandparents’ generation. In our case we are grateful that our parents are very engaged in the lives of their grandchildren—as much as they can considering their own limitations.
We have noticed a church version of this sandwich reality in our local congregations as we visit different churches most Sabbaths all over northern Germany—and our experience in other parts of the world suggests that this can be observed elsewhere as well. Many churches in our territory (and beyond) are struggling with an aging membership. Members of retirement age represent a significant part of the congregation. They have given a lot of their resources, time, energy, and creativity to grow the congregation. They were the Sabbath school teachers, Pathfinder leaders, choir directors, youth leaders of the past but suddenly recognize that their strength is limited and, all too often, their health is fragile.
Like many before us, we realize that this sandwich reality can be tiring and sometimes overwhelming—but it’s also a wonderful way to link three distinct generations.
The other side
On the other side of our generation are the young adults—some married, others not—who have recently finished college, have perhaps started their first full-time job, or are planning to get married. Their experiences and priorities are often different from that of their grandparents—on the other side of the sandwich.
In fact, in our visits in churches we often miss seeing our own generation of the middle-aged who have entered the last part of their career. Many of our friends with whom we grew up in church have left. The reasons are varied. Some have been hurt by interpersonal conflict in their churches. Some have been disappointed by those who have clung to a type of Adventism that—they feel—reflects better the convictions and practices of our nineteenth-century church. Some missed seeing Jesus in their church and turned their backs. Others made bad life choices and abandoned God and the church. There are myriads of other reasons.
So how can those of us in the sandwich generation help our varied generations to “press together”—as Ellen White called it many years ago?[i] Here are a few suggestions that we have observed. First, be prepared to listen empathetically to the fears, hurts or anger of the generations on both sides without trying to solve all issues or questions or judge every conflict. An empathetic listening ear goes a long way to help us cross divisions and bind different generations together. Second, be prepared to leave your comfort zone of cherished convictions and heart-felt opinions and be ready to patiently listen for the often-hidden values, ideas, and beliefs of other generations. This doesn’t mean we cannot hold our own strong convictions or even have different understandings of a Bible text. We can, but since we want to be those who bind and tie together, we consciously have chosen to listen gently, love unconditionally, and tread carefully. That’s not always an easy task, but by God’s grace it is doable. Third, invite members of the neighboring generations in your congregation to serve others together. Shared ministry enriches each generation and helps us to do what God has called us to do. We spend less time bemoaning fallen standards or loveless legalists and more time serving a world in need of a Savior. Imagine, for example, a home Bible study group that attracts people from both sides of the generational sandwich, ranging in age from 12 to 84, meeting in a non-threatening safe place where young people can ask real questions as they know that they are loved and accepted. And older people can feel respected and valued even with failing physical or mental stamina.
Although being part of the sandwich generation can sometimes make us feel a little thinly spread, we can excitedly find ways to help the generations connect deeper and with more purpose as we get our clues from Him who is “before all things, and in Him all things hold together” (Col. 1:17, NIV). Now that’s something we can all chew on!
[i] Ellen G. White, Evangelism (Washington, D.C.: Review and Herald Pub. Assn., 1946), p. 102.