Every church has them. I’ve been in big churches and small churches, and I’ve met them.
Churches that speak Spanish, Portuguese, Russian, and English, I’ve seen them there.
They are equally distributed across white-collar and blue-collar churches and in country churches and city churches. You find them everywhere!
EGRs.
Extra Grace Required
What is an EGR? An EGR is that person in your church you see on Sabbath morning, and extra grace is required not to turn and run in the other direction.
Is there a face that just popped into your mind? If you can’t think of anyone, then, as one pastor said, “you’re it.”
There are different types of EGRs. While there are many categories one might list, some specific EGRs that come to mind for me include:
The awkward EGR: These individuals might be close talkers, loud talkers, random storytellers. Or maybe they are quiet, but after they say a barely audible “Hi,” they then hover as you move around the foyer.
The annoying EGR: These individuals interrupt your point midsentence. They must always have the last word or one final story to one-up your story. They talk louder and sing louder than everyone else, or maybe they are just way too happy!
The aggressive or argumentative EGR: These individuals come to Sabbath School looking for a fight. Their answers are always contrarian. If no one debates them, they debate themselves, taking both sides of the argument just to hear themselves talk and raise the tension in the room.
The complaining or negative EGR: Anything and everything at church can be spun into a negative light by this EGR. After the entire church has just finished singing, “Joy to the world, the Lord has come,” they’ll find a complaint. “The person singing next to me was breathing so heavy through their nose.”
I’m sure the list could go on, and even as I write down these EGR types, I see faces with every example. And if I’m honest, I see myself in some of these examples as well. For instance, I’m probably an awkward EGR to some people. I’m a hugger, and I know many a stoic man who has gone home and thought, It is going to require a lot of extra grace for me to go back to a church with a hugging pastor.”
EGRs in the Church
Unfortunately, many church members decide the value of a church based on their likes and dislikes. These likes and dislikes range from such things as the style of music, length of preaching, and the church decor. And yes, even “This church has fewer EGRs than the one up the street, so I’ll transfer or join here.”
While all these reasons for choosing a church are problematic, the latter might be the most unbiblical because it completely ignores the biblical teaching of 1 Corinthians 12.
“For the body does not consist of one member but of many” (1 Cor. 12:14, ESV).
And if there are many, there is always an EGR in the mix. Our human nature might be to turn and run from these people. Or maybe we are more subtle, and our instinct might be to enter through the church door where we are least likely to run into these people or to sit as far away from them in the sanctuary as possible. But does such an attitude recognize that the EGR person is an essential part of the church, and without them, you would suffer?
If we come to church and avoid EGR members, or even worse, we leave a church to get away from them, we are sinning against God by not loving our neighbor as ourselves.
What?
Yes, it is true. Continue reading 1 Corinthians 12 with me,
“The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable” (verse 22, ESV).
Most of the time we look at this text as a statement to encourage those who feel they don’t have any spiritual gifts to bring to the church that they belong and are needed.
But will you look at it with me from a different perspective?
Every church EGR member who seems a little annoying, odd, frustrating, or challenging to be around (to put it bluntly, a person who doesn’t add much to the enjoyment of the church): what if that is part of their contribution to the church?
Hear me out!
If we come to church and avoid such members—or even worse, we leave a church to get away from EGRs—we are sinning against God by not loving our neighbor as ourselves (see Matt. 22:39).
As Sam Allberry puts it: “It is impossible to be in Christ and not belong to others. A Christian, by definition, has a connection with and a responsibility to other Christians. You cannot claim Christ and avoid his people.”*
But we are also hurting ourselves because we fail to learn to love like Jesus loves by avoiding these people. We fail to grow in patience. Worst of all, we might fail to realize that they are not an EGR but a beautiful brother or sister in Christ.
Growing in Grace
I was only 30 years old, still a young pastor, and the Sunday after my second week as the senior pastor in a new church, I opened my email and found the following:
Dear Pastor Chad,
I attended church yesterday wanting to hear the new young pastor. I could not even stay for the sermon. When I heard you compliment that song before your sermon, I had to stand up and walk out [yes, I remembered seeing a woman leave abruptly]. To listen to the pastor call it beautiful, even though I know the angels of heaven were embarrassed to hear it—I don’t think I can even be a part of this church with such a pastor.
Sincerely,
Sherry (name changed to protect the innocent).
In my book this was for sure an EGR. There I was, a young pastor, a new pastor whom she had never met, and the first correspondence I got from her was to inform me that she had walked out of my sermon and that she didn’t even want to be a part of the church I am pastoring.
EGR, EGR, EGR for sure!
Unfortunately, I didn’t have any extra grace.
And so I immediately wrote back:
Dear Sherry,
I’m sorry my statement was so upsetting to you. Since there are many other churches within driving distance, I gladly invite you to join one of them.
Sincerely,
Chad
When I read my email to Christina, my wife, after I had sent it, she looked at me with shock and appropriately rebuked me.
Sherry read the email too, because within weeks she had transferred out of our church. Good riddance; one less EGR to deal with.
A few months later Sherry attended a funeral at our church. It was then that my secretary, knowing of the correspondence that had transpired between us, felt we should meet. So she brought me over to Sherry and, without warning me of whom I was meeting, introduced me using the woman’s full name so that I would know exactly who it was. We could barely see each other because the ice between us was so thick. Neither of us extended hands. We feigned a courteous nod and went our separate ways.
I went home and told my wife again of this EGR and how icy she was. Once again Christina reminded me that the ice was well deserved after my email and told me I should have extra grace toward this difficult woman.
This time Christina’s words sunk in, and my heart was convicted. I began to pray for God to give me grace toward Sherry and to show that grace if I ever received a chance again.
That chance came in a grocery store. I saw Sherry from a distance, and with prayer I mustered up the nerve to approach her. When I walked up, smiling, she was startled, and she seemed none too pleased to see me. But I greeted her warmly, asked her how she was doing, and then did something that caught her off guard. I told her I hoped to see her at our church again sometime. Her response was layered with a tone that said, “ARE YOU SURE?”
I just smiled and walked away.
One Sabbath several months later Sherry did show up at our church. And as soon as I saw her, I made a beeline for her, and without hesitating, I hugged her. She did not reciprocate the hug, but she did stay for the sermon.
During the next few months Sherry began to show up more and more, and every time, she got a hug and a warm greeting from me.
Then the real test came one Sabbath at the end of the church service. As Sherry was leaving, she shared with me several things about the music, my sermon, and our service that she did not appreciate. How would I respond to this EGR?
I smiled big, hugged her, and thanked her for her perspective. A few weeks later Sherry transferred back to our church, but more important than that, Sherry became my greatest advocate in that church. And while a pastor is not supposed to have favorite members, if I did have a list of favorite members she would be at the very top because it turns out that Sherry, the EGR, was someone who was not actually an EGR at all. She was just another child of God that was indispensable to that church and to me.
So go forth and find the EGRs and love them! Because just as I needed Sherry, you need your EGRs too, and you’ll find they aren’t any more EGR than you, but indispensable children of God.
* Sam Allberry, quoted from Brett McCracken, Uncomfortable: The Awkward and Essential Challenge of Christian Community (Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway, 2017), p. 123.
