Most Challenged
Louise Woo
Motherhood is the greatest task I have ever undertaken as a woman. I always wanted to be a mother, even from childhood. Growing up as an only child, I felt such loneliness that I determined that, whenever possible, no child should be without a sibling. Naturally, then, I wanted many children. After having my first child, I realized that, despite being in my 30s at the time, I was not as ready to have a child as I thought I was. Then we had our second child and, surprisingly, a third.
Some of my greatest challenges have stemmed from being far away from close family and friends. While I met my husband in America, we moved overseas to start our family, so I did not have a strong support system. Trying to make connections while sleep-deprived and with children in tow was a lonely and challenging journey. Nonetheless, I have grown with my children in love and faith.
Having God at the center of our lives has been the greatest comfort. Being a Seventh-day Adventist with the Bible as our utmost guide and the writings of Ellen White to keep us in line and reassured of the path we’re taking has brought encouragement along the way. Moreover, God has added the blessing of incredible friends, both in the faith and outside it. They all, in their own ways, have shown me how to love and love on my children better.
Louise Woo is a stay-at-home mom living in Australia with three children.
I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way
Marvene Thorpe-Baptiste
What am I going to do with you, little one? I whispered as I held my precious bundle in my arms for the first time. How were two imperfect beings supposed to take care of this perfect innocent child? With mixed feelings I knew right then that the Lord would have to be our guide.
That was more than 35 years ago, and three more children followed that first birth. As I look back, there seems to have been a never-ending stream of doctor’s visits, meal preparation, finding lost socks, shoes, toys, and homework, among many other issues. Constantly trying to meet the many and varied needs of four different individuals was a challenge. But I made it, by God’s grace and the immeasurable input and support of a wise and patient husband.
Besides their physical and social well-being, we were responsible for our children’s spiritual development. My husband and I were deliberate in introducing them to a loving God through daily family devotions, welcoming and closing the Sabbath together, reading Bible stories, and studying the Sabbath School lesson with them.
Looking back, I often think about what we could have done differently with respect to their spirituality, and I would encourage anyone to be deliberate about demonstrating the joy of loving and serving the Lord. Emphasize God’s grace and mercy. Make more time to talk with them and answer questions about spiritual matters. Be flexible, creating more avenues to make participation in spiritual things less of a chore and more of a wonderful experience. If your teenagers want to lounge on the floor during worship, maybe it’s not the end of the world—be happy that they choose to be there and are willing to listen.
Some say parenting gets easier as children grow older. I disagree.
It was interesting to witness the squabbles among the siblings and then watch them collectively stand up to the neighborhood bully. During their younger years my job as mediator, peacekeeper, and disciplinarian had to be balanced with fairness. And because of their individuality, whatever measure was meted out to one almost certainly could not be applied to the other. Some say parenting gets easier as children grow older. I disagree. The various challenges presented by my preteen and young adult children drove me to my knees more often than I’d have imagined. Talking to God was the only way to guide them and preserve my sanity.
Coupled with the challenges were the many joyful moments of shared activities, laughter, creative play, observing their antics, and overall enjoyment of interacting with each other. The memories created on the extended family trips and church camping expeditions were precious. Today, even though they are grown with kids of their own, we often spend the Sabbath hours together. I am proud of them, their accomplishments, and their parenting skills.
I’m always thrilled that they would choose to return home to celebrate birthdays and holidays. It’s not uncommon to hear familiar strains of “Who said you could take that bedroom?” or “This was my room” ringing through the house. “Why are they here? Don’t they have their own homes?” my husband mischievously asks. To which I respond: “They’re here because their mama lives here.” Truthfully, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Marvene Thorpe-Baptiste is the assessment coordinator at Adventist Review.
Joy Returns
Ariel Hinkle
It was yet another one of those days. I was exhausted, burned out, drowning in the mundane tasks and stresses of the day-to-day, and, quite honestly, not enjoying my life. I loved my children deeply, but I was merely going through the motions of motherhood and homemaking without my heart in it. I shook my head wearily. It hadn’t always been this way. How did this happen?
I’ve wanted to be a wife and a mother for as long as I can remember. I dreamed about it as a girl, and in academy I prayed for my future husband (whoever he might be) every night. When I was in college, I even told people that although I was studying for a career, my real goal in life was to be a wife and a mother. All the while I envisioned sweet, snuggly babies, a beautiful home, and days filled with books, laughter, fun crafts, and baking cookies together. I would be the perfect, happy mom.
Fast-forward a few years. I was married to a wonderful husband, and we were blessed with four beautiful children. But with endless loads of laundry, piles of dishes, sibling squabbles, pressures of ministry, financial struggles, waking up multiple times a night with our baby, then wrestling a toddler while homeschooling my two oldest children, my reality looked a lot more messy, lived-in, and difficult than the one I had imagined. The always-happy optimist, I was now stressed, grumpy, and overwhelmed.
I couldn’t change my circumstances, but I could, by God’s grace, change my mindset.
But that day, when I looked up and saw the overwhelming tasks once again, something shifted inside me. I couldn’t change my circumstances, but I could, by God’s grace, change my mindset. Right then and there I asked God for help and determined to choose thankfulness and joy in every situation, whether I felt like it or not.
That simple shift in mindset gave me back the joy of mothering. Do I still have hard days? Absolutely! But now, instead of falling into the path of discouragement, I can choose joy. The hard will always be there, but when we look for reasons to be thankful, they are all around us! When we train our minds to choose joy before frustration, thankfulness before complaint, it is truly a gift. Ellen White said it perfectly: “Home must not lack sunshine. . . . The home should be to the children the most attractive place in the world, and the mother’s presence should be its greatest attraction.”1 As mothers, we are the proverbial thermostats of our home. Our children will match our attitude. I want my home to be filled with joy, thankfulness, and sunshine. And that starts with me!
Raising tiny humans is truly the most important work on earth. Not only are we raising them to be kind, capable, caring adults who love the Lord, but we are also raising them for eternity. A big challenge? Oh, yes. But not impossible! “If mothers would go to Christ more frequently,” Ellen White writes, “if they would trust Him more fully, their burdens would be lighter, and they would find rest. Jesus knows the burden of every mother. He is her best friend in every emergency. His everlasting arms support her.”2 We are not alone! When you feel as if you’re overwhelmed and have reached the end of your motherhood means, lean on Jesus. His joy is our strength (Neh. 8:10). He will help you to choose joy and thankfulness in every circumstance. And that simple shift in mindset can change your whole world. It certainly changed mine.
Ariel Hinkle is a stay-at-home mom living in Arkansas with her husband and four children.
Behold
Isaí Almeida McGrath
The words patient, gentle, calm, and wise often do not describe my “mothering.” I will overreact about a little mess, yell at my kids to stop yelling, and ask my son to be patient with his little sister when minutes before I was not so patient with him. Thankfully, God’s work in me is not done, and He has been teaching me an important lesson about His work in my children.
Mothering as a Christian brings a new level of responsibility. Not only are we preparing our children to be civilized adults and valuable members of society, but we are preparing them for an eternal life with God. We must teach them more than arithmetic and reading, more than good hygiene practices, more than how to navigate this world. Our task is to teach them about our all-powerful, loving, Creator God, and foster in them the desire to love Him and to seek to do His will. That is a huge responsibility! Thankfully, with this responsibility comes a promise: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go” (Ps. 32:8).
Unfortunately, it’s easy to forget His promise and look elsewhere for solutions to our perceived problems. With so many books on parenting and with easy access to a plethora of parenting blogs, we can get lost in a sea of advice from other “experts.” I have tried new ways of explaining and reasoning with my children, different consequences that will deter unwanted behavior, a variety of incentives to promote good behavior. Among questions I’ve asked myself are: How do I teach them to be happy when doing what they are asked? Why can’t they get along? How do I teach my kids to be kind to others? How do I keep them from lying? How do I keep them from sneaking sweets?
Then I had a realization as we were singing the fruit of the Spirit children’s song one day: “If you want to be a mango, you might as well hear it, you can’t be the fruit of the Spirit . . .” All the behaviors we were struggling with paralleled the fruit of the Spirit. It dawned on me that no matter how many different ways I found to discipline or offer positive reinforcement, the only One who could truly transform their character and give them love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control was the Holy Spirit. My only responsibility was to bring my children to God. “By beholding we become changed.”3 I had studied 2 Corinthians 3:18 so many times but had failed to see its application with my own children. How many times had I put them to bed after a tough day, skipping over our Bible story and straight to prayer because I was so spent and ready for them to go to sleep, not realizing that it was the time reading God’s Word that would ultimately bring about a change in them. “For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13). Only God can make a real, lasting change in our children, and I can lead them to Him.
I may have some experiential advice on what has worked for my kids in specific parts of our journey, but I am far from an expert, and many times I am a good example of what not to do. But what I can do is remind you that God is the one who works in our children’s hearts, and He has promised mothers that He “will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isa. 40:31, NIV). I rely on this promise daily.
Isaí Almeida McGrath is a teacher living in Michigan.
1 Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home (Nashville: Southern Pub. Assn., 1952), p. 21.
2 Ellen G. White, Daughters of God (Hagerstown, Md.: Review and Herald Pub. Assn., 1998), p. 195.
3 Ellen G. White, Christ’s Object Lessons (Washington, D.C.: Review and Herald Pub. Assn., 1900, 1941), p. 355; see also 2 Cor. 3:18.