When Screens Stand Between Us

Q. We’re deeply worried about how out-of-control screentime is affecting our family. We feel that we’re losing touch with our kids—and with each other. We have a daughter in college and a son who’s a junior in high school, and when they’re home, they’re glued to social media or chasing notifications, even at the dinner table. My wife and I feel the same digital pull in our lives. Is there anything we can do to turn this around before it is too late?

A. Thank you for such an honest question. What you’re describing isn’t a sudden break—it’s a slow drift. One distracted dinner at a time, one interrupted conversation, one closed bedroom door with glowing behind it. The technology itself isn’t the enemy here. But the habits it encourages often are.

The good news is that the Bible speaks directly to this. Three simple ideas can help: being present, choosing your words wisely, and guarding the heart.

Be present. Ecclesiastes reminds us there’s a time for every activity under heaven (Eccl. 3:1). That’s not really about scheduling—it’s about attention. When you scroll through email while your daughter is talking, or your son answers your question while half-watching TikTok, the moment quietly loses its value. We learn to give each other partial attention, and over time that wears down the closeness in a family. Here’s something many parents don’t realize: Young adults often feel “phone-snubbed” by their parents before the pattern ever runs the other way. When you put the phone down, you’re saying—without a word—“You matter more than whatever’s in my hand.” When your 19-year-old wanders into the kitchen at 10:00 p.m., that’s not the moment to keep scrolling. That’s the moment to stop and listen.

Choose your words wisely. Proverbs has a cynical little verse: “A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse” (Prov. 27:14, NLT).[*] Even good words, badly timed, can wound. When parents finally notice the digital drift, they often react with volume—lectures, ultimatums, the whole “kids these days” sermon. It almost always backfires. Young adults need room to be their own people, and heavy-handed correction—even when you’re right—makes them push back. What actually works is the quiet trust you’ve built over the years, the kind that makes your concern feel like love instead of control. Relationships run on about five good moments for every hard one, so if the last few months have been all correction, that account is running low. Try trading lectures for curiosity. “What are you watching?” asked with real interest opens a door that “Get off your phone” slams shut.

Digital boundaries matter most when they make room for other relationships to breathe.

Guard the heart. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Prov. 4:23, NLT). The word for heart here means the whole inner life—mind, will, and affection. And that’s exactly what these platforms are built to shape. The algorithms learn what grabs your child’s attention and feed it back, hour after hour. But guarding the heart isn’t mainly about blocking content—it’s about growing rival loves. Families who eat together without phones, who worship together, who linger over a meal and laugh, aren’t just cutting back on screens. They’re shaping the heart in a direction no algorithm can fake. In fact, the strongest predictor of lasting faith in young adults isn’t a youth group or Christian school—it’s the quality of their ongoing relationship with parents and mentors who believe. Digital boundaries matter most when they make room for those relationships to breathe.

A word of hope. If you’re watching your teenager or college student disappear behind a screen, don’t believe that the connection is gone. More often it’s just dormant—waiting for a calmer, less anxious invitation.

Start with your own phone. Build small rhythms of undistracted time: a weekly meal, a walk, a drive with the radio off. Ask questions that assume that your child’s inner world is interesting—because it is. Talk less, listen longer. And pray, trusting that the God who went looking for Adam in the garden and watched for the prodigal on the road still knows how to cross the distance that a little glowing screen has opened.

In the end, digital discipleship isn’t a program. It’s parents learning, by grace, to be fully present to the children God has given them.

Please know we’re praying for your family. And remember: “With God all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26).

[*] Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.