In an era of evolving societal norms and personal identities, Seventh-day Adventist parents often find themselves navigating uncharted waters when their children come out as LGBTQ. This article aims to provide a compassionate, biblically grounded perspective on how to maintain loving relationships with LGBTQ children while adhering to Adventist beliefs and values.
The Foundation of Parental Love
The cornerstone of the parent-child relationship is unconditional love. This love reflects God’s own love for humanity, as exemplified in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” This verse accentuates that God’s love is not contingent on how humans behave. Rather, God’s love for humans is based on His character, which is love.
Richard Davidson, in his comprehensive work Flame of Yahweh, emphasizes that the biblical concept of love is rooted in covenant commitment rather than mere emotion or attraction.1 This covenant love, exemplified by God’s relationship with Israel and Christ’s with the church, provides a model for parents. It is a love that persists despite challenges, disappointments, or divergent paths.
Understanding Biblical Perspectives on Sexuality
It’s crucial for Adventist parents, while maintaining loving relationships, to ground their understanding of sexuality in Scripture. Ekkehardt Mueller, in Homosexuality, Scripture, and the Church, provides a thorough examination of biblical texts relating to same-sex relationships.2 Mueller argues that while the Bible consistently presents heterosexual marriage as the divine ideal, it also calls for compassion and understanding toward all individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation, in their process of redemption.
It’s important to note that the Adventist Church’s position on homosexuality3 is not one of condemnation of individuals, but rather an affirmation of biblical sexual ethics. As Mueller states: “Seventh-day Adventists see themselves as a redemptive community reaching out to those who are battling sin . . . whether heterosexuals or homosexuals.”4
The Concept of Holy Sexuality
Christopher Yuan’s work Holy Sexuality offers a nuanced approach to understanding sexuality from a Christian perspective. Yuan argues that the focus should not be on heterosexuality or homosexuality, but on holy sexuality, which he defines as “chastity in singleness and faithfulness in marriage.”5 This concept can provide a helpful framework for parents and children to discuss sexuality in a way that aligns with biblical principles while acknowledging the complexities of human experience.
Yuan’s approach emphasizes that all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, are called to live according to God’s design for sexuality. This perspective can help parents move beyond a simple binary of acceptance or rejection of their child’s sexual orientation, toward a more nuanced understanding of Christian sexual ethics.
Maintaining Relationships While Upholding Beliefs
For Adventist parents the challenge lies in maintaining loving relationships with their LGBTQ children while staying true to their biblical convictions. This balance is not about choosing between love and faith, but about embodying Christlike love while holding on to biblical truth.
Davidson’s work provides insight into how God relates to His people even when they stray from His ideal. He notes that throughout Scripture God continues to pursue relationships with His people, even in their disobedience.6 This divine example suggests that parents should prioritize maintaining relationships with their children, regardless of differences in beliefs or lifestyles.
Davidson also emphasizes the importance of the church’s becoming “a community of believers who welcome them into our midst and who minister God’s grace and healing in their lives, while allowing that same grace to heal our own brokenness and insensitivity.”7 Parents can integrate this concept into their homes, ensuring that their children feel loved, accepted, and safe, even amid disagreements about sexual ethics.
The Role of the Church
The Adventist Church has a crucial role of encouraging both LGBTQ individuals and their families to keep their eyes on Jesus, the “author and finisher of our faith” (Heb. 12:2). As Christ’s disciples, parents have the opportunity and responsibility to love their children as Christ loves them. Adventist parents must see their children through the eyes of Jesus. As they would with anyone else struggling with sin, parents need to walk side by side with their children; listen to them, empathize with them, and let them know they see and hear them. While parents cannot condone unbiblical choices, they will continue to love and pray for their children.
Understandably, some children will not accept their parents’ love unless their parents totally accept their choices. Still, that should not change parents’ unconditional love for their children. As Adventist parents we must challenge ourselves—regardless of our children’s choices—and treat them with dignity, respect, and compassion. We must remember “that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8).
Ellen White’s Perspective on Struggling Sinners
Ellen White did not directly address LGBTQ issues. Still, her writings offer valuable insights on how to approach those struggling with sin or facing spiritual challenges. White consistently emphasized God’s love for sinners and the importance of showing compassion to those grappling with temptation.
White cautioned against harsh judgment, stating, “Christ’s method alone will give true success in reaching the people. The Saviour mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their confidence. Then He bade them, ‘Follow Me.’ ”8 The approach of Jesus described in this quotation provides a model for parents to maintain close, caring relationships with their children while gently guiding them toward God’s ideal.
Conclusion
For Seventh-day Adventist parents of LGBTQ children, the path forward is one of continued love and faith. By grounding their approach in biblical principles of covenant love, maintaining open communication, and seeking to understand their children’s experiences, parents can nurture relationships that reflect God’s unconditional love.
While upholding Adventist beliefs about sexuality, parents can still provide unwavering support and acceptance of their children as individuals created in God’s image. This approach aligns with Christ’s example of loving individuals while calling them to a life of holiness. As parents continue to love and support their children, they bear witness to the transformative power of God’s love and the enduring strength of family bonds rooted in faith.
1 Richard M. Davidson, Flame of Yahweh: Sexuality in the Old Testament (Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 2007), p. 113.
2 Ekkehardt Mueller, Homosexuality, Scripture, and the Church (Silver Spring, Md.: Biblical Research Institute, 2010), p. 23.
3 https://gc.adventist.org/official-statements/homosexuality/
4 Mueller, p.30.
5 Christopher Yuan, Holy Sexuality and the Gospel: Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God’s Grand Story (Colorado Springs, Colo.: Multnomah, 2018), p. 47.
6 Davidson, p. 211.
7 Richard M. Davidson, “Homosexuality and the Bible: What Is at Stake in the Current Debate,” in Homosexuality, Marriage, and the Church: Biblical, Counseling, and Religious Liberty Issues (Berrien Springs, Mich.: Andrews University Press, 2012), p. 205.
8 Ellen G. White, The Ministry of Healing (Mountain View, Calif.: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1905), p. 143.
