Sometimes a Decision to Stop Fighting Reality Is an Act of Faith

We have a tendency to resist everything that hurts us, bothers us, or escapes our control. We want quick answers, immediate solutions, and a constant sense that we are masters of our lives. But the truth is that more often than not we find ourselves facing situations that cannot be changed, at least not short-term or by our own strength.

This is where an essential concept for emotional health comes in: the radical acceptance of reality. This practice, widely used in contemporary therapies, means recognizing reality as it is, even when it is hard, unfair, or painful. To accept reality radically is not to agree with what happened, nor to passively surrender to the situation. It’s not pretending that nothing is happening. It means, however, deciding to stop fighting against what cannot be changed in the present.

When we don’t accept reality, we land in secondary suffering: in addition to the natural pain that a situation triggers, we suffer as we try to deny, control, or resist the unavoidable. This constant effort consumes our energy, increases our anxiety, and keeps us stuck in what is already in the past or is not in our hands to change.

When we accept reality as it is, we can act more wisely, choose how to respond to what is happening, and take better care of ourselves. With my patients I often use the metaphor of a card game. If a player is aware that their cards are very bad, they can complain, can ask to be dealt again, or can give up playing. All of that is resistance. On the other hand, radical acceptance of reality implies acknowledging that our cards are not good and still making the best possible moves with them.

Placing It in God’s Hands

For people of faith, this process becomes even more profound: radically accepting reality coincides with an act of surrender to God. It is recognizing that there are limits to our human strength and that the Lord remains in control, even when everything seems intractable. It is being able to pray as Jesus did in Gethsemane: “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matt. 26:39). It means to live according to 1 Peter 5:7: “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

I write this now not as someone who knows only the theory, but as someone who has experienced the radical acceptance of reality coupled with a surrender to God and has lived a peace that is beyond understanding. A few months ago I had to undergo surgery that left me with sequelae. The aesthetic damage would be enough to emotionally shake all the women I know. Of course, that didn’t make me happy at all, but the attitude of acceptance and faith in God transformed that nightmare into something lighter. I am still in the process of recovery in the postoperative period, and I will most likely need another surgery, but I am very calm and safe, despite everything I have been through.

When we surrender to God what we cannot change, we stop carrying the weight of trying to be in control alone. This means not passivity but trust: we do what is in our power and rest in the care of the One who governs everything.

Perhaps today you are facing a difficult situation, which seems to counteract your best efforts. In this case, these three questions can help you:

• What is really under my control?

• What do I need to accept to find peace?

• What can I leave in God’s hands?
  

Radically accepting reality and surrendering to God does not cancel pain, but transforms the way we experience it. It is in that place of acceptance and surrender that we discover the real meaning of being at peace amid the storm.

The original version of this story was posted on the South American Division Portuguese-language news site.