She was hurt and bewildered. In her own view she had always made the effort to trust God and to do her best to serve Him in the way she dealt with people and everyday circumstances. Yet the situation in which she found herself was an absolute contradiction to her expectations. It made no sense whatsoever!
Nosedive
She had relocated with the expectation that the transition would support her plans for professional and financial stability, hoping that these dreams would be realized with hard work and determination. At times she had even held two jobs as she juggled her income to balance expenses. And had she worked hard! Not to mention her resolve to keep trying to beat the odds amid the existing and emerging challenges.
As a Christian she felt that dedication to serving her God and her community were paramount features of her life, and therefore she made efforts to persist in sustaining these pivotal elements: personal devotion and worship, active participation in church services and programs, being a source of inspiration in her sphere of influence. Now, instead of success, she was without the roof of a house over her head, without a job, and with not much of anyone to call a “friend indeed.” Despite this being only the tip of her story’s iceberg, she still struggled on.
When things had taken a swift nosedive, her life seemed plunged into total confusion. Repeatedly she had questioned herself and God about what was being played out, but had received no answers. What was the meaning of all this? On many occasions, while considering her real-time experience, she felt numb. This was no ordinary crucible, and as the psalmists sometimes expressed, she wondered how and why God would allow what was happening.
Which sentiment was dominant: Rejection? Disdain? Abuse? Betrayal? Ridicule? She did not know. The saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed” seemed meaningless for the most part, as family members, relatives, her church family, and people she had held as friends had all but disappeared. The few individuals who offered any amount of compassion were helpless to significantly help her. They could only make suggestions regarding the job search, and they were unable to help her find housing. Apart from three individuals who occasionally offered some financial assistance to help keep her afloat, she had no source of funding. But their assistance was not sustainable. She felt undeserving of her plight. This was an extremely low point in her life. So she pleaded, prayed, and beseeched God: Help me, please!
Reboot
Her new “home” was a spot on a secured parking lot, with her car serving as her bed. At night she would close all the windows, lock the doors, and cover herself with a blanket so no passerby could readily discern that someone was inside (that is, not unless they saw when she drove up). The tooting of the nearby early-morning rush-hour train was her external alarm, heralding the time to get up and have her devotional time. This was followed by finding a fast-food outlet to get sanitized; then she would prepare to take on the new day following the same general routine. She would purchase a meal and divide it into two parts (no matter how small the portions) in order to keep starvation at bay, trying to include at least one drink for the day. Then she would, with heavy heart, visit the surrounding libraries to do house and job searches—how could she secure housing with no job, and how could she find a job when they were so few and far between? It was the very reason that she was unemployed in the first place!
All she needed to do was trust Him completely, so she earnestly begged Him for the strength to do just that.
Her sanitization and library visits were rotated so as not to draw too much attention to herself. She had been blessed to find an extremely affordable laundromat—a godsend—so she was able to do laundry every now and then. When the “routine” was completed, she would find a quiet street or a public property, such as a park, to station herself. No unnecessary use of car gas was acceptable. Despite safety concerns, she would return to the parking lot very late at night for discretionary purposes. Her hopelessness and despair mounted with each completion of the day’s routine.
One day as she was about to begin her worship session, the thought came to mind: Why am I even worshipping Him, when it seems that He has abandoned me? The question stopped her in her tracks. Was this really the case? Had God truly forgotten her? The facts all seemed to support this sentiment. But almost immediately and as if in direct response to the question, she remembered encouragement received from a friend some months earlier when things were nowhere near this terrible. Her friend told her not to give up on God, though her prayers seemed absent from the “answered” list.
On the heels of her friend’s exhortation was the memory of two Bible characters: Joseph and Job. As she reflected on their stories, she acknowledged that despite enduring immense suffering, they remained steadfast in their commitment to serve God, determined to trust His love no matter what the circumstance. She also remembered a sermon she had heard about the times God brags about His children to the enemy. That thought didn’t bring as much comfort as it should have, and she was suddenly jolted into contemplating how much she had let God down while feeling so confident of her spiritual achievements. In a rush much like the speed of the train, her devotions that morning took a turn. Of its duration she was uncertain, but she was certain that a “power reboot” had occurred: her spiritual core was strengthened and elevated. She became filled with renewed hope in her God to see her through this ordeal. All she needed to do was trust Him completely, so she earnestly begged Him for the strength to do just that. Most important, she asked God to guide her into His righteousness, not hers.
Intervention
God’s intervention came some days later, in a most surprising and dramatic way. Someone’s heart had been burdened with her case. That person’s actions helped her to finally get housed and off the streets.
But even before that, she had received a job offer and started to work. Employed while still living on the streets! Amazing! She felt like Lazarus resurrected. God truly had not forsaken her (and has promised that He never will!). Thankfully, she had not given up on Him even though she had felt like doing so. Her faith had been severely tested, and in the process it had grown. And while her deliverance process continues, she continues to seek God’s help in submitting to His will, even when things don’t go according to her plans.
The experience was an emphatic reminder that no matter the circumstance, God remains our Redeemer and Father, and we His children. He can be trusted above and like no one else. Like her, there are many who feel like throwing in the towel when circumstances seem to come to a screeching, grinding halt. Her words of advice? Even without a roof of any kind over your head, know and believe that God’s plan is for the ultimate salvation of His children . . . even if the upside happens only in heaven. Sounds drab on this side of heaven, does it not? Yeah. And it feels even more drab when experienced! Yet if that “drab” is intended to help you make it to the eternal kingdom of God, it will be worth the heartache. That is God’s faithful promise to us all (see, for example, Psalm 46:10; John 11:40; 1 Peter 3:12). She can’t wait to meet Jesus face-to-face; perhaps then she may get the full understanding of why He chose to prune her in that way. Until that day comes and while she continues to strive for that goal, she asks: Will you hold on with the determination to do just the same? Remember, God purifies only what He deems worthy!
