“To be loved is the most basic of human needs. Like a flower, it waters the human soul. But to love is a true blessing.” – Olivia Newton John
Isolation kills. The World Health Organization has recognized loneliness as “a global public health concern” and launched an international initiative to address it.[i] According to the U.S. Surgeon General, chronic isolation is as detrimental to human health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.[ii] Social isolation has been linked to a variety of adverse health outcomes, including depression, anxiety, heart disease, dementia, and stroke.[iii]
In 1990, Dean Ornish, an acclaimed physician and medical researcher, demonstrated to the medical community for the first time that coronary heart disease (the leading cause of death in the United States) could be reversed through a plant-based diet.[iv] Despite his groundbreaking research on the power of nutrition, Ornish believes that human connection is the most healing remedy. In his bestselling book Love and Survival, he states: “I am not aware of any other factor in medicine that has a greater impact on our survival than the healing power of love and intimacy… not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery.”[v]
According to 20th-century psychologist Erik Erickson, individuals pass through eight critical stages of psychosocial development throughout their lifespan. Each phase represents a task that must be completed in order to mature and progress to the next phase. The task of the “intimacy vs. isolation” phase is to develop close and meaningful relationships rather than remaining isolated and alone.[vi]
Intimacy versus isolation. It’s not just a developmental task. It’s a framework for understanding the war between good and evil. God is fighting to restore humanity to love and intimacy with Him and one another. By contrast, the enemy is battling to isolate us from our Creator and fellow created beings. “Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community,” Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote. “The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation.”[vii]
Wired for connection
God has placed a craving for intimacy deep within each human heart. Describing this longing, Augustine wrote: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”[viii] In addition to craving God, humans are also designed for intimacy with one another. This includes many forms of closeness, including bonds of romance, family, and friendship. “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). One of the primary ways God seeks to reveal His love to us is through “the deepest and tenderest earthly ties that human hearts can know.”[ix]
This craving for both divine and human closeness was present in the heart of Christ, who came “in the likeness of men” (Phil. 2:7) and became like us “in every respect” (Heb. 2:17). Not only did Jesus share in our physical vulnerabilities such as hunger (Matt. 4:1), thirst (John 19:28), and fatigue (John 4:6), He also shared in our emotional vulnerabilities. Jesus craved intimacy and was pained by isolation.
God is fighting to restore humanity to love and intimacy with Him and one another. By contrast, the enemy is battling to keep us isolated from our Creator and fellow created beings.
The isolation of Christ
In His bitter lament for Jerusalem, Christ gave voice to His disappointed hope for intimacy with His people: “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!” (Matt. 23:37).
Christ’s heart was hurt when three of His close friends (including Peter) would not stay awake to pray with Him (Matt. 26:40-45). Reflecting on this painful experience, Ellen White wrote: “The human heart longs for sympathy in suffering. This longing Christ felt to the very depths of His being. In the supreme agony of His soul, He came to His disciples with a yearning desire to hear some words of comfort…”[x] Perhaps if Peter had stayed awake to comfort Jesus in His darkest hour, he never would have denied Him. Instead, Peter left Christ isolated and alone.
As painful as it was, Peter’s neglect and rejection likely paled compared to the sense of isolation Christ felt in relation to His Father. Jesus was accustomed to the hardheartedness of the disciples but had always found comfort and solace in the Father’s embrace. From eternity past, He had experienced unparalleled intimacy with the Father (Prov. 8:30; Zech. 13:7).
But to restore human beings from isolation to intimacy, Christ must first experience isolation Himself. To be the sin-bearer, He must experience the Father’s protective displeasure against sin. The haunting words of Zechariah portray this wretched reality: “ ‘Awake, sword, against my shepherd, against the man who is close to me!’ declares the LORD Almighty” (Zech.13:7).
The crushing pain of isolation was heard in Christ’s cry of agony: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46). Why have you withdrawn your intimacy and abandoned me to isolation? Suspended between heaven and earth, Jesus experienced the most intense isolation and loneliness that has ever crushed a human heart.
“‘Why has God forsaken me?’
Cried our Savior from the cross
As he shared the loneliness
Of our deepest grief and loss.”[xi]
Christ did not merely give up the beauty, safety, and security of heaven. As significant as those sacrifices were, He gave up immeasurably more. He gave up the closeness, warmth, empathy, and emotional safety. He traded infinite intimacy with His Father for human abuse and neglect. He voluntarily chose isolation and exclusion so that He might offer us intimacy and embrace.
Peter’s restoration and ours
Peter’s story illustrates the power of intimacy over isolation in the aftermath of human failure. Initially after rejecting Christ three times (the third time with a curse), Peter’s shame and remorse led him to withdraw: “And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, ‘Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.’ And he went out and wept bitterly” (Matt. 26:75). Guilt and regret often lead us to pull back from others, ashamed by the thought of being seen for who we truly are.
Christ traded infinite intimacy with His Father for human abuse and neglect. He voluntarily chose isolation and exclusion so that He might offer us intimacy and embrace.
But just a few days later, divine love made a special point to restore Peter from his isolation. The women at Christ’s empty tomb were instructed: “He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him. But go, tell His disciples—and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you” (Mark 16:6-7, emphasis mine). Despite Peter’s abject failure, he was the only disciple specifically mentioned by name.
Something about the presence of the resurrected Jesus made the disgraced fisherman rush to him rather than away. When Jesus appeared to His disciples on the shore, Peter launched off the boat and plunged into the sea for a head start to His Savior (John 21:7). Not surprisingly, Jesus met Peter with intimacy rather than isolation.
Like Peter, each of us has repeatedly denied the One who loves us most. Despite our best intentions and resolutions, we often act as if we don’t know Him. Ignoring both His goodness and our need, we isolate ourselves from Him and one another. But the same gracious Friend who restored Peter to Himself (and to the other disciples) is eager to do the same for us. He gently invites us to choose intimacy over isolation.
“By His life and His death, Christ has achieved even more than recovery from the ruin wrought through sin. It was Satan’s purpose to bring about an eternal separation between God and man; but in Christ we become more closely united to God than if we had never fallen … In Christ the family of earth and the family of heaven are bound together…Christ glorified is our brother. Heaven is enshrined in humanity, and humanity is enfolded in the bosom of Infinite Love.”[xii]
[i] World Health Organization. “WHO Launches Commission to Foster Social Connection.” News Release. November 15, 2023. https://www.who.int/news/item/15-11-2023-who-launches-commission-to-foster-social-connection. The Guardian. “WHO Declares Loneliness a Global Public Health Concern.” https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/nov/16/who-declares-loneliness-a-global-public-health-concern.
[ii] Ibid.
[iii] Ibid.
[iv] Ornish, Dean, Sarah E. Brown, Larry W. Scherwitz, Janet H. Billings, William T. Armstrong, Thomas A. Ports, Sonia M. McLanahan, R. L. Kirkeeide, Ronald J. Brand, and K. Lance Gould. “Can Lifestyle Changes Reverse Coronary Heart Disease? The Lifestyle Heart Trial.” Lancet 336, no. 8708 (July 21, 1990): 129-133. https://doi.org/10.1016/0140-6736(90)91656-u. PMID: 1973470.
[v] Ornish, Dean. Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy. Thorndike Press. 1998, 11
[vi] Healthline. “Intimacy vs. Isolation: Why Relationships Are So Important.” July 8, 2019.
[vii] Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community. New York: HarperOne, 2009, 112-113.
[viii] Augustine. Confessions, Book 1, Chapter 1, Paragraph 1.
[ix] Ellen G. White. Steps to Christ (Mountain View, Calif.: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1892), 10.
[x] Ellen G. White. Desire of Ages (Mountain View, Calif.: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1898), 87.
[xi] Wallace, William L. The Faith We Sing. No. 2110. United Methodist Church. Abingdon Press, 2021.
[xii] Ellen G. White. Desire of Ages (Mountain View, Calif.: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1898), 25.