There’s an old joke that men have only two emotions: “fine” and “angry.” One sure way to get them from being fine to angry is to keep asking them how they feel. But beneath this joke, like most, there’s a sliver of truth: men in 2025 are not fine.
With June being Men’s Health Month, it’s a timely moment to reflect on the quieter struggles men face. Each year more than 40,000 men in the U.S. die by suicide, a staggering number that rivals annual breast cancer deaths.1 Fourteen percent of young men aged 20-24 are classified as NEET, meaning they are not in education, employment, or training.2 These are just a fraction of alarming statistics revealing how men are languishing in various spheres of life.
Seventh-day Adventist men are not immune. I’ve worked with men battling mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and pornography addiction. Some serve faithfully in church leadership, not knowing how to reconcile their mental health challenges with their spiritual responsibilities. The silence and shame around their suffering becomes a burden in itself.
Without godly influences, young men are drawn to whatever feels strong, regardless of whether it’s good.
One of the foremost researchers on men’s issues, Richard Reeves, writes extensively about this, particularly in his book Of Boys and Men. One of his central insights is that many men struggle because of the absence of healthy male role models, starting from childhood.3
This absence shows up clearly in how young men today are looking for someone to emulate. Without present fathers or male mentors, they often turn to outspoken online influencers. Some of these figures offer helpful guidance, but many promote confusion, anger, or a distorted sense of masculinity. Without godly influences, young men are drawn to whatever feels strong, regardless of whether it be good or not.
Jesus steps into the gap for men today. He practiced a wholistic, relational form of mentorship that mirrored the discipleship model of the rabbis. He not only instructed His disciples. He walked with them. He allowed them to see both His strength and His sorrow. He modeled a masculinity that was compassionate, courageous, and rooted in dependence on God. This kind of man-to-man relationship is desperately needed today. Mentorship must be more than advice. It must include relationship.
The apostle Paul also understood this when he said, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1, NIV). When he took Timothy under his wing, Paul didn’t begin with written letters. Instead, he took “him along on the journey” (Acts 16:3, NIV). Men need other men to follow, not from a distance, but up close. That is why intergenerational men’s ministry is vital. At every life stage we need men who show us how to live, serve, and suffer well, because it’s hard to be what you can’t see.
If you’re a man reading this, I encourage you to pray and think about whom you can reach out to for support. It may not be just one person but a few who can make up your inner circle (Prov. 11:14). More important, consider men in your life you can take “along on the journey” and pour into, even in small ways.
1 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Suicide Mortality in the United States, 2022 (Provisional data) [Data brief] (National Center for Health Statistics, 2023), https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr034.pdf.
2 National Center for Education Statistics, Indicator 24: Young Adults Neither Enrolled in School nor Working (NEET) (U.S. Department of Education, 2023), https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/col.
3 R. V. Reeves, Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It (Brookings Institution Press, 2022).