In the tapestry of human experience few threads are as intricate and emotionally charged as those woven by conversations surrounding LGBTQ+ relationships. For Bible-believing Christians the challenge is compounded by the delicate balance between upholding biblical convictions and extending Christlike love to those wrestling with these realities. It’s a path fraught with potential pitfalls, yet one where grace, understanding, and steadfast friendship can light the way.
When Friends Struggle in Secret
If you’re like me, then you may, dear reader, have or have had friends who have confided in you their struggle with the LGBTQ+ lifestyle. When that happens, our first and paramount responsibility is confidentiality. As Proverbs 25:9 advises: “Debate your case with your neighbor, and do not disclose the secret to another.” A breach of trust can irrevocably damage the relationship and hinder any future opportunity for support.
Next, it’s imperative to affirm God’s unwavering love. As Ellen G. White reminds us: “When Adam’s sin plunged the race into hopeless misery, God might have cut Himself loose from fallen beings. He might have treated them as sinners deserved to be treated. He might have commanded the angels of heaven to pour out upon our world the vials of His wrath. He might have removed this dark blot from His universe. But He did not do this. Instead of banishing them from His presence, He came still nearer to the fallen race. He gave His Son to become bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh. . . . Christ by His human relationship to men drew them close to God. He . . . demonstrated before the heavenly universe, before the unfallen worlds, how much God loves the children of men.”1 Follow Jesus’ example; do not banish your friend from your presence. Come nearer to them. Remind your friend that their worth is contingent, not on their feelings or actions, but on their identity as a beloved child of God.
Gently encourage your friend to clarify their own convictions. As Romans 14:5 states: “Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind” (ESV). While your convictions may be clear to you, it is important that you put this aside and help them navigate the complex maze of their emotions and questions, offering a listening ear and a safe space for exploration. Ensure to bring your friend back to Christ’s Word as the only safe basis for conviction. The Spirit of Prophecy reminds us, “The Bible contains all the principles that men need to understand in order to be fitted either for this life or for the life to come.”2
Resist the urge to offer simplistic solutions or condemnatory judgments. Instead, emulate Christ’s example of empathy and compassion. As Hebrews 4:15 assures us: “We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (NIV).
Remember, every sin, regardless of its nature, separates us from God and requires the same grace, the same blood shed on Calvary’s cross, to be forgiven and cleansed. Many of us get into trouble carrying a culturally charged belief that homosexual sin is worse than others. Your friend is not the only one who struggles with sin, and we should not treat them as such. Extend the same grace and understanding to your friend that you would to anyone battling a different temptation or sin, emphasizing that no single sin or temptation defines a person.
When Friends Embrace the Lifestyle
Loving a friend who actively participates in a LGBTQ+ lifestyle can be particularly challenging. Christ’s command, however, to love one another remains essential (John 13:34). Love the person, not the lifestyle. Jesus loved us “while we were still sinners” (Rom. 5:8).
Avoid reducing your friend to their LGBTQ+ lifestyle. Remember, they are a multifaceted individual with dreams, aspirations, and struggles beyond their lifestyle. Even if your friend, by God’s grace, overcomes this particular struggle, “sanctification is the work of a lifetime.”3 Jesus’ refinement of their character will not stop there.
Be authentic in your convictions, but express them only when asked and with the utmost sensitivity. As 1 Peter 3:15 advises: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (NIV).
Treat your friend’s LGBTQ+ lifestyle as you would any heterosexual relationship that conflicts with your beliefs. Extend the same respect, kindness, and boundaries. Don’t forget, it is never healthy or safe to want something for someone more than they want it for themselves. The beauty of friendship is not that we always agree, but that we love each other when we don’t.
A Call to Empathy and Prayer
Navigating these complexities demands emotional intelligence, prayer, and unwavering commitment to friendship. Remember, your role is not to condemn or condone, but to love, support, and point your friend toward Christ.
As Ellen White wisely observes concerning Satan’s hope in tempting individuals: “Through tempting man to sin, Satan hoped to counteract the tide of divine love flowing to the human race; but, instead of this, his work resulted in calling forth new and deeper manifestations of God’s mercy and goodness.”4 Don’t fulfill Satan’s hope by stemming the tide of divine love flowing through you to your friend.
Be that friend. Keep showing up. Keep praying. And keep trusting in the transformative power of God’s love and Word. In the crucible of these challenges, your friendship can become a beacon of hope, illuminating the path toward healing, wholeness, and a deeper relationship with Christ.
1 Ellen G. White, Sons and Daughters of God (Washington, D.C.: Review and Herald Pub. Assn., 1955), p. 11.
2 Ellen G. White, Education (Mountain View, Calif.: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1903), p. 123.
3 Ellen G. White, Christ’s Object Lessons (Review and Herald Pub. Assn., 1900, 1941), p. 65.
4 Ellen G. White, Testimonies for the Church (Mountain View, Calif.: Pacific Press Pub. Assn., 1948), vol. 7, p. 87.