Q: My husband thinks I should quit my job because of a coworker who causes me endless problems with her words, actions, and attitude. How can I balance showing grace and kindness toward her while protecting my mental health?
A: Dealing with a difficult coworker can be emotionally draining, especially since we spend so much time at work. Your husband’s urging you to change jobs may be because he sees what the current situation is doing to you. Here are some faith-based suggestions that may help answer your question:
Prayer is a high-priority tool for gaining clarity, wisdom, and strength in difficult situations. Pray for your coworker and yourself. We can’t change people, but God can change situations. Ask for emotional resilience to prevent her actions from affecting your mental health. Consider that there may be some things in you that also need changing. James 1:5 promises, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you” (NIV).
Set Clear Boundaries. Establish professional limits with her. Keep interactions focused on work-related matters and avoid personal discussions that could lead to stress. Document inappropriate behavior and involve human resources or supervisors when necessary. If your employer has an employee assistance program (EAP)1 and you have not already sought their help, please do so. Disruptive situations and employee feuds hamper workplace effectiveness. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Col. 4:6, ESV).
Maintain Grace Under Pressure. Instead of reacting defensively to provocations, respond calmly and kindly, reflecting Christ’s character. Address issues when needed, but do so without aggression. This doesn’t mean being passive—rather, it means speaking truth with respect and maintaining professionalism even in challenging encounters (see Eph. 4:29).
Know When to Move On. While persistence is valuable, recognize when a situation has become unhealthy. If your coworker’s negativity remains unbearable despite your best efforts to resolve conflicts, consider whether it’s time to take your husband’s advice and seek new opportunities (even in the same company). Get trustworthy counsel before making this decision, though.
Physical health and mental hygiene can affect a person’s tolerance of undesirable situations. Make time for healthful activities and relationships that replenish your energy. Proper sleep, nutrition, physical activity, and spending time with loved ones can facilitate emotional resilience.
Working productively with a challenging coworker is difficult. Seeking God first, setting limits, and responding with kindness can help protect your mental health and reflect Christ’s character peacefully. Your husband, friends, and spiritual mentors can offer perspectives that might help you handle stress better while assessing if you’re overreacting. If the situation becomes unsustainable, trust that God will guide you to the right decision—whether to stay or go. “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Rom. 12:18, NLT).2 Shalom!
1 EAP: a confidential employer-provided benefit offering professional support for personal and worksite issues to enhance employee mental health, emotional well-being, and job performance.
2 Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
