What kind of person comes to mind when you think of a caregiver? Are they old or young? male or female? A March 2022 Children’s Society report noted that there are approximately 800,000 young caregivers in the United Kingdom (UK). Thirty-nine percent of those caregivers said that nobody in their school was aware of their responsibilities.1
In 2020 the UK government found that 17 percent of the general public, an estimated 9.1 million or one in every six adults, were providing unpaid care.2 Here are some of the statistics from the research:
Being conscious of caregivers’ needs is of growing importance because, as the above mentioned research points out, “carers can find themselves in poverty or financial hardship, struggling to make ends meet for themselves and the people they care for. Caring can also seriously affect health, well-being, and relationships.”
With such high statistics you would think that caregivers would be fairly prominent in the church, but unfortunately they are an easily neglected group. Adventist Possibility Ministries (APM) is determined to change this. One of the actions voted at the recent General Conference Session was for the inclusion of a new section in the Church Manual giving emphasis for APM at the local church. One of the seven people groups that APM focuses on is that of caregivers.
My experience as a caregiver started when my son was 4 years old. He was diagnosed with Morquio syndrome, a rare metabolic disease that won’t allow his body to process certain sugar molecules. As this condition progressed, he eventually became wheelchair-dependent. As you can imagine, this started our family on a long journey of discovery.
When we first received his diagnosis, I questioned my role in his disability. Was it my fault? Was I guilty in some way? Had I done something or neglected to do something that resulted in his condition? You may remember the story of the man who was born blind in John 9. The disciples’ question was “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” (verse 2).
Roy McCloughry is correct when he observes, “There is a fear in every human being that needs to be dealt with if it is not to become a burden to us. Buried deep within us is the idea that when we are going through difficult times we have in fact displeased God.”3 One of the first things parent carers have to deal with is their sense of guilt. The implication for our church is for us to be conscious of our theology. A wholesome and balanced theology of disability is very important for parent carers to hear from the pulpit.
Another thing we discovered as parent carers was that we became the experts in our son’s condition. Because Morquio syndrome is such a rare disorder, we were often asked by doctors, particularly general practitioners, about his symptoms. It was a relief when we finally found a doctor who was an expert in these kinds of conditions. It meant that we could relax and ask the questions for a change. This is something for us to remember as church members. Having to answer the same questions over and over can be quite tiring. Please remember to ask questions sparingly.
How were we welcomed in church? We were quite fortunate, because I am a pastor and we tend to receive extra care and attention whenever we visit other churches. I know other members who have stayed away from church because of lack of understanding and care. Particularly those with children who have learning difficulties connected with behavioral challenges. Being faced with irritated staring from members or even being asked to control the child’s behavior can be quite demoralizing and disheartening. In these instances, I think it’s good for us to remember the golden rule. If we were in their shoes, how would we like to be treated?
Respite was not something we ever felt the need for, because our son had a physical disability that we felt we could handle. As he grew up, he was very independent and determined to do as much as possible for himself. However, those carers who are looking after people with more complex needs may need to be gently encouraged and reassured that putting their charge into respite is not a sign of weakness or selfishness. Carers will need to be constantly reminded that if they are exhausted, they will not be able to help and care as they should. It’s vital to get away and replenish and recharge one’s batteries.
It’s important to consciously view carers as a valuable church resource. They, like all other members, have been given gifts by God and have something valuable to contribute. The one thing to remember is to be flexible. Long-term commitment can be quite difficult, especially when the timetable of a carer is often dictated by the variable health of the one they are caring for. Flexibility is a must.
Do you know someone who is a carer? Perhaps you can show care for this often-neglected group by finding out who they are and how they might need support. Interviewing a carer in front of the church is a great way of helping church members gain insight into their daily roles and responsibilities. There are also a number of very helpful resources on the APM website.4 Let’s determine that we will work together to ensure that our churches are communities where all are gifted, needed, and treasured.
1 https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/2022/03/16/the-big-ask-voices-shining-a-light-on-young-carers/#:~:text=The%20Children’s%20 Society%20says%20there,aware%20of%20their%20caring%20 responsibilities.
2 https://www.carersuk.org/images/CarersWeek2020/CW_2020_ Research_Report_WEB.pdf.
3 Roy McCloughry, The Enabled Life: Christianity in a Disabling World (London: SPCK, 2013), p. 49.
4 https://www.possibilityministries.org/resources/ caregiver-ministry-resources/
While listening to the radio on my drive to work recently, a couple news stories—as well as their sequence—caught my attention. The first was the report of a senior scientist, speaking at CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research based in Geneva, who had given what was described as a “highly offensive” presentation about the role of women in physics. Alessandro Strumia, of Pisa University, said that “physics was invented and built by men, it’s not by invitation.” He went on to assert that male scientists were being discriminated against because of ideology rather than merit.
As you can imagine, his remarks caused great consternation and drew widespread condemnation across the scientific community.
The following news story, which I’m sure was chosen deliberately by the producers, was about the Nobel Prize in Physics being awarded to Donna Strickland from Canada. This was the first time in 55 years that a woman, together with two male colleagues, had been awarded the prize.
Hearing these two stories back to back was another reminder that even in today’s modern world, we still have a long way to go in overcoming our prejudices and biases and learning to love difference. This is one of the lessons we can learn from the Bible book of Ruth.
The opening line of the book reads, “In the days when the judges ruled” (Ruth 1:1). I regard the book of Judges as one of the most depressing books of the Bible. Not only are some of the Bible’s most disturbing stories in it, it also outlines a dismal, never-ending cycle. Israel’s idolatry; God’s withdrawal; enemy oppression; Israel crying out to God; God sending a judge; revival and reformation that lasts only during the lifetime of the judge.
The cycle repeats again and again. To stay positive amid such negative circumstances, God must indeed be a faithful, covenant-keeping God!
The book of Ruth comes as a reminder that even in the darkest times, things are never quite as bleak as one might think. When Elijah thought he was the only person following God, God let him know that 7,000 faithful followers were still loyal to Him (1 Kings 19:18). God always has a remnant, people with whom He can work.
It’s refreshing to note that one of the shining stars in this period of sad darkness was a woman, Ruth, especially considering the horrendous treatment that women are described as receiving in the book of Judges. It’s as if God wants to tell us how He views women by having this book in the Bible bearing the name of a woman.
The book begins during a time of famine (Ruth 1:1, 2). The author seems to play on the irony of some of the names that are used. Not only did famine hit Bethlehem (Hebrew: “house of bread”), Naomi’s family, who were Ephrathites (from the root word meaning “fruitful”), ends up without fruit (her husband dies and his sons die childless). So Naomi, whose name means “pleasant” or “my delight,” wants to be known as Mara, which means “bitter” (verses 19, 20). We can all empathize with Naomi that life is indeed a bitter-sweet experience. Living on this side of the second advent we have to remember that our lives will always contain a mixture of good and bad.
Only as we learn to value and welcome God’s difference will we have a deep appreciation and love for Him.
But the main lesson to focus on in Ruth is to examine how we deal with difference. Ruth is a Moabite, that is, a descendant of the incestuous relationship between Lot and one of his daughters (Gen. 19:37), which meant that she was from a despised race of people. How do we deal with people like that? The book of Ruth gives us three suggestions.
It’s difficult to welcome difference. In Ruth 1 Naomi tries to send her daughters-in-law back to their original home (verses 8, 11, 12). She was aware that as foreigners they would have no future in Israel. Interestingly, a Jewish tradition says that since Naomi told them to go home three times, this should be used as a pattern for testing the sincerity of converts to Judaism, repulsing them three times. I wonder what would happen to our baptismal figures if we did that to prospective converts.
Anyway, we need to understand that our natural reaction is to reject difference because it takes energy, effort, toil, and struggle to acknowledge and accommodate people who are different. For example, in a journal article entitled “Wanting to Belong,” Christine Welten writes about her mental health problems and acknowledges that people suffering with mental illness can be difficult to be around.
“I was big, loud, smelly, and an embarrassment to the people around me. So people stopped being around me. I do not blame them; it is really hard to spend time with someone that you cannot relax around. It is hard to visit the house of someone who smells bad and will not let you leave. I exhausted people. I drained them.”1
So if we are to learn to love difference we have to understand that our natural reaction as fallen human beings is to be suspicious of, and inclined to reject, those who are different from us.
Ruth’s famous answer to Naomi (verses 16, 17) shows that she acknowledged the difference between her people, customs, and religion, and Naomi’s people, customs, and religion. Ruth was willing to acknowledge the differences in order to learn more about Naomi’s culture, customs, and worship practices.
One of the great benefits of acknowledging our differences is that it allows greater depth to our relationships. While I was a student at Newbold College I became acquainted with a beautiful blonde, blue-eyed girl named Kari, who came from the northernmost town in the world, Hammerfest, Norway. I was born on the sunny island of Jamaica, so if our growing friendship was to last, we would have to learn to love difference.
We quickly realized that we each had a number of prejudices that we held. It was an interesting journey for us to acknowledge and name our differences. We often found ourselves beginning sentences with words such as, “I thought all White people . . .” or “I had the impression that Black people . . .” This gave our relationship a greater depth, and after 30 years of marriage we’re still learning to love our differences.
Boaz enters the story of Ruth as a kind, sympathetic character. The orders he gives to his men regarding Ruth capture his attitude well: “Let her gather among the sheaves and don’t reprimand her. Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her” (Ruth 2:15, 16). God had given a clear harvesting rule to leave the edges of the fields to be harvested by those who were poor or aliens (Lev. 19:9, 10).
The primary principle behind this action was really the golden rule as expressed in these words: “Do not oppress a foreigner; you yourselves know how it feels to be foreigners, because you were foreigners in Egypt” (Ex. 23:9). God was telling them to remember the foreigner, the other, to remember what it feels like. Why? Because they had been foreigners. They knew what it felt like to be different, to be the other. Hence the words of Jesus: “Do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matt 7:12).
Learning to welcome difference lies at the heart of the gospel.
Learning to welcome difference lies at the heart of the gospel. It has the potential to deepen our spirituality and worship. In fact, being able to overcome our biases and embrace the difference of others trains us to appreciate the otherness of God. God is the ultimate foreigner; He’s not like us.
The subtle temptation we often fall into is to create God in our image. To take for granted that He likes th
e things we like, or that He reacts the same way as we do. In fact, when He became one of us to make the barrier between us and Him easier to overcome, when through His words and actions He tried to teach us what God is like, we didn’t like what He said or did. We rejected Him and killed Him!
Thankfully, we can learn to value and welcome God’s difference and grow into ever deeper appreciation and love for Him. And our spiritual growth shows itself in our increasing ability to love difference.
The book of Ruth closes by telling us that Ruth became the great-grandmother of David, thus placing her in the lineage of Jesus (Matt 1:5). A Moabite in the lineage of the Savior! I get the impression that God takes great delight in embracing difference and transforming it into something lasting and beautiful. Do we?
Patrick Johnson, D.Th. Min., is secretary of the Ministerial Association and discipleship coordinator for the Trans-European Division.