Adventist Intercultural Marriages Have Skyrocketed. Is That a Positive Sign?

For young Seventh-day Adventists in many countries, numbers simply don’t add up, said Gabor Mihalec, a Seventh-day Adventist pastor and psychotherapist from Hungary. “Many young Adventists either choose a non-Adventist partner or look for love internationally.”

Mihalec’s statement introduced a presentation at the 2026 European Adventist Youth Congress in Valencia, Spain, in August. His workshop, titled “Love Across Borders: The Sobering Reality of Intercultural Relationships,” sought to dispel myths and lay bare what elements Adventist young people thinking of a relationship across cultures must consider to improve their odds of success.

The truth is, Mihalec said, that the number of intercultural couples is growing worldwide and, even though “we cannot anticipate where Cupid will strike,” we can nevertheless help Adventist young people succeed. “We want them to have the best possible chance for happiness,” he said.

A Growing Trend

An intercultural love relationship is a romantic attachment between two people who come from different cultural backgrounds. Their relationship is shaped not only by their individual personalities but also by different learned meanings, values, family expectations, communication styles, emotional habits, traditions, and ideas of what is “normal” in love.

Mihalec quoted statistics from the Pew Research Center based in Washington, D.C., that state that in 1967 in the United States, 3 percent of all newlyweds were married to someone of a different race or ethnicity. By 2017 that number had risen to 19 percent.

In other countries percentages are even higher. In France it was 27 percent in 2015, and 21.5 percent in Spain in 2024. Singapore, with 36.6 percent, had probably the highest percentage in 2024.

But it can be hard. Relative divorce risk, studies say, doubles when a white woman marries a black husband, and is about 1.5 times higher when a white woman marries an Asian. Only white husbands with a black wife have about 0.56 divorce risk compared with an average white couple.

Not for Everyone

Overall, Mihalec explained, it’s important to remember that intercultural relationships are not for everyone. “They are not for people who feel superior to other cultures, expect their partner to be a mind reader, or avoid difficult conversations,” he said. “It’s not for people who want another culture’s beauty without its complexity, or for those who think love means that the other person must become like you.” He added: “Remember that intercultural love is not about winning a cultural argument, but about building a shared world.”

On the other hand, Mihalec explained that intercultural relationships are for people willing to communicate clearly, honestly, and often. “They are for people who can say, ‘Help me to understand why this matters to you,’ ” he emphasized. “For people who do not ask, ‘Whose culture will win?’ but ‘What kind of home can we build together?’ ”

Core or Secondary Identity?

In that sense, Mihalec called his audience to remember that in any relationship—not only in the intercultural ones—it is essential to distinguish between elements that constitute a person’s core identity and what is secondary. “Core identity includes faith and worldview, core values and moral convictions, and culture and family system,” he said. “It also includes marriage and gender expectations, parenting and future vision.”

The secondary identity, on the other hand, is defined by taste and style, hobbies and leisure, and daily routines and habits, Mihalec explained. “It also includes personal preferences and small traditions,” he said.

Essential Conversations

Against that reality, it is essential to have some conversations before marriage, Mihalec emphasized. “These conversations can help find out where the other person stands on such issues as individualism versus group thinking, self-realization versus rights and obligations by birth, and how practical or idealistic the other person is,” he illustrated.

Despite these and other challenges, Mihalec emphasized that it’s important to remember that “difference is not an obstacle to overcome.” He explained, “Intercultural couples have the best chance of happiness when they recognize their differences, honor them as values, celebrate them, and weave them into their shared culture.”

A Case Study

In the second part of his presentation, Mihalec shared a couple of case studies of young Adventists from different cultural backgrounds who met online and eventually decided to share their lives together and get married. They included Anggi from Indonesia, who married Norbert, a Hungarian living in the United Kingdom.

Mihalec shared that they met through an online platform for single Adventists. After their initial attraction, Anggi and Norbert had to learn to navigate their cultural differences. One of them, for instance, was their food preferences. “Anggi enjoys eating rice and spicy food, while Norbert prefers food without chili,” Mihalec shared.

Norbert then shared how they have learned to navigate this key difference. “Anggi often cooks two separate meals. . . . Although it takes extra effort, we see it as a way of respecting each other’s tastes and cultural backgrounds.” At the same time, they have found common ground in developing a common love for Turkish food, they reported.

Some Helpful Tools

When asked which are the most powerful tools they use when navigating their differences, the young couple, now married for several years, shared that they rely on “open communication, mutual respect, and willingness to compromise.” They added, “We openly discuss our expectations and try to meet each other halfway. We also avoid forcing our own views or traditions on each other, choosing instead to understand and respect our differences. This approach has helped us build trust and strengthen our relationship.”

Another key difference to navigate is language, they acknowledge. In the case of Anggi and Norbert, they communicate in English. Still, Anggi shared how she is learning some Hungarian so she can communicate with Norbert’s parents, while Norbert is also learning some words and phrases in Bahasa. “These efforts help us feel closer to each other and show respect for each other’s families and cultures,” they said.

Anggi and Norbert have also developed a “third culture” by “creating routines and roles that combine [their] personalities and backgrounds,” they reported. At the same time, Anggi and Norbert acknowledge that after a few years married, love is not enough. “A strong marriage also requires prayer, faith, patience, and a great deal of understanding,” they shared. “We have learned the importance of being honest with each other, approaching challenges with humility, and working together to find solutions instead of blaming each other.”

They suggest that couples starting an intercultural relationship should take time to know each other’s families before marriage. “Discuss your expectations, family responsibilities, and important decisions openly,” they said. Also, “try to appreciate each other’s differences, support each other’s hobbies and interests, and give advice without trying to control.”

Some Inspired Guidelines

Mihalec reminded young Adventists that several biblical guidelines can help intercultural couples to thrive. He mentioned going the extra mile (Matt. 5:41), not seeking only our own benefit (1 Cor. 10:24), and being quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). He also listed welcoming one’s partner’s world (Rom. 15:7), practicing equality before God (Gal. 3:28), and becoming one without erasing the other (Gen. 2:24).

He closed by quoting Adventist Church cofounder Ellen G. White’s advice to people about who to marry. “The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily,” Mihalec read. “While you may love, do not love blindly.”[*]

[*] Ellen G. White, Messages to Young People (Nashville: Southern Pub. Assn., 1930), p. 449.